feeling a bit empty ~ Victoria

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Val left about 5 days ago… I really didn’t feel it at first; when she left I told myself I wouldn’t cry but then she started crying and I was deadass so close to just breaking down. The thing with crying is that if you don’t you can still trick yourself into believing that it’s really not a sad thing that you’re separating from one of the most important people in your life. So the second Val did I felt that sickening heart-clenching feeling; seeing her cry made it feel like she was being torn away from me and, as cliche as this is, it was as if a part of me was forcefully ripped from me.

It hit me on the way home on the bus how painfully empty I suddenly felt. Realistically speaking, that moment I could’ve treated like any other because it was only 2 hours of not seeing her so technically I shouldn’t be sad, since on normal days it’s possible for me to not see her for 2 hours. But truth is there’s something about her getting on a plane, going 12 hours behind and 12939km away that makes me feel so horribly lost. Knowing that we won’t be able to have seriously stupid sleepovers where we laugh at ‘yo’ and ‘-dt’ and ‘it’s lit family’, eat at genki just for the wasabi octopus and spicy salmon, go to fa yuen street and eat eggballs and go ham with clothes, lying on the beach at night talking about everything and anything under a very cloudy sky… knowing we won’t be doing that for another three months kills me.

Val’s literally my other half. Or my better half. Point is that aside from my family no one means as much to me as she does, she’s been that person that I can always rely on. I knew I could tell her anything and trust her with anything. I knew she’d always be there if I was panicking at night or if I had family issues or just issues in general she’d give the best advice. She always knew what to say at the right times. Yet sometimes we can literally sit in silence and it wouldn’t be awkward. And other times we find ourselves turning to each other about to say something only to realise we were both thinking about the exact same thing. There’s no one that I’m as compatible with as I am with her.

Up till here, you might be thinking Val sounds like my girlfriend/wife well idk she might as well be. You know the second post I posted on this blog? [two weeks; heartache] That heartache doesn’t compare at ALL to when Val and I had our very first proper argument – seriously the thought of no longer having Val as a friend was ten times the heartache I described in that post. The other day something happened that was really funny and I was so ready to text her and expect her to reply with a ‘lmao’ or ‘omfg you’re so dumb’ but then I realised she’s on a 3 day camping trip with no wifi at all and it hit me like a huge crashing tidal wave how much I missed her. I’m going to have to get used to non-instant replies and it’s going to be so tough.

I miss and love you Val 😥 Please come back quick.

P.s. My desktop wallpaper is a photo she took from Africa.







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