lol feelings ~ Victoria

Val has been pestering me to blog so here it is! Then I’m going to take a shower, go to sleep, wake up at 7:30, work on my essay and then go for brunch, then come back and work on my essay some more. (Anyone can tell me why humanising monsters makes them even more monstrous? Please? Help?!?)

First feeling: stress. Because Val has already been at Uni 2 months earlier than I have so she’s well-experienced in this field. But damn the stress of choking up an essay and then rushing to hand it in on time really brings back EE memories in IB man. Not to mention there’s that added pressure to live up to the expectation from your tutors considering you’re supposed to be at one of the best schools in the UK for English Literature so you can’t exactly say “The poet used a metaphor and it was great”. I’ve found myself backspacing paragraphs upon paragraphs because I didn’t think it was good enough until I realised I didn’t even have that much time left to backspace so I made do with what I currently have. At least I know I’ve put in my best effort for my first essay.

Second feeling: iffiness. I’m saying this because I decided to apply to write for the Tab. I wrote a summary and pitched an idea of comparing Durham to Hong Kong and showing the differences and what it was like from an international student’s perspective. They accepted it, told me to write a full article and the editor would be in touch. Problem is, after the editor had changed bits here and there it didn’t even seem like my writing anymore? Then he added a bit like “There’s nothing like using chopsticks” when I didn’t even put that in! You might as well write the damn article for me then. And your English isn’t even that good like, who chooses to put short sentences next to each other without mixing in a few longer ones; it just feels so awkward wtf and it doesn’t read well. I just can’t understand.

Third feeling: primary school giggly girl feelings. I don’t know how to say this without sounding creepy but here is me trying to make it less creepy by acknowledging the fact that it is creepy. Dear god I hope no one from my uni actually reads this. But anyways, there’s nothing like your eyecandy walking home with you and your conversations being so genuine and real, and him being super endearing. It’s cute but I don’t think it was enough to make me like him, it’s just great to like someone’s face you know? Eye candy. Literally.

Another part of this is that. I realise. Seriously. That I value intelligence in a guy. Specifically a guy that can write well (I mean, really well). Because I’m definitely lacking in that department – that’s not to say I’m not passionate about English, I absolutely adore studying it but when it comes to coherence and being able to quickly develop a point on the spot with eloquent language I’m definitely way behind than some other people here. But on a guy!!! A guy!! That writes!! Well!!! Is the BIGGEST turn on!!! Someone who is in full control of their words and vocabulary and writes what they mean and has their own flair in their writing… UNf!!! I’m so smitten. And if he’s kinda cute and shares the same religious beliefs as you!! A*! WHAT A CATCH!!! (Val’s probably rolling her eyes now since she knows who I’m talking about)

Forth feeling: feeling like my head’s underwater and I can only breathe after 5 of Dec. That’s when my last essay is due and from now till then I’m going to have one essay due per week and that is not fun. Not to mention I’ll have formals, socials and tutorials to go to and prepare for so that’s gonna be hectic. Here’s the thing I might feel all stagnant complaining in my (very dim) room in Durham, thinking how time is passing so slowly, but the truth is the next thing we know I’m gonna be back in HK with val and we’re gonna be doing all the things we did in the summer and it’s going to be great (instead of having Val’s special friend come in whenever we facetime ahem).

Fifth feeling: gratefulness. Because I know no one’s friendship or relationship can rival Val and mine’s. I’m infinitely relieved and grateful that we never drifted, nothing has changed, and we still talk as if we’re two sleep deprived, vitasoy craving pieces of shits alone in the DP lounge lying on the sofas.

There are some really attractive people in Durham (which I really don’t match up to, and are really out of my league) but at least I know I’ll always have Val aaaaAAAAWwwwwWWWwWWW! ❤




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