Let’s be honest: I spent 14 years of my life in a very small bubble cushioned from the world. Anyone from our school would know that with its classic rigid Singaporean education system and extremely small cohort size there’s only so many types of people you can encounter and experiences you can have. And needless to say, in retrospect, the environment was a very confined and limiting one, despite that we were able to make as many mistakes, explore any interests and be who we wanted to be.
That’s where uni comes in. I know it’s kind of irritating for me to constantly be going on about uni but it’s the biggest thing happening in my life at the moment and I’m learning so much so quickly. It’s such a weird thing to be stating but there are so many people in the world. Especially coming to the UK for uni and meeting new people almost every day. There’s so much to be learnt when you’re the minority race for once. The tall, skinny, pretty girl we thought was so great in high school? Yeah you weren’t special there are 10x more of them here.
And it’s just… In high school you feel like you would never find the right person to date or that you feel a bit iffy because no one really attracted you but then you come to uni and it’s like a huge pool of people and the chances are a few of them will be attracted to you and you will be to them and it’ll be the most exhilarating feeling. It will also be so terrifying because you never thought you’d be into that type of guy but he really attracts you because god damn anyone who goes to that uni is smart, and clever and has worked so damn hard to earn their place. It’s not difficult to find someone who’s intellectual and witty, handsome and kind and in that moment when you realise that guy could actually be interested in you the same way you are in him… just… it’s such a different feeling. You’ll meet guys that look like the ‘fuckboy’ that you were taught through social media but he’ll turn out to be so kind, respectful and quick witted, and your conversations are filled with snarky comebacks and banter but also discussions about history and the world and philosophy and it’s absolutely amazing. It will be so different from that unmotivated, lazy idiot you dated in high school who was so selfish and disrespectful to you. You’ll kiss people you never thought you’d kiss and their scent that lingers on you after a night out will make your heart all jumpy and you won’t be able to sleep for hours not because of the guy but because you’re marvelling at how everything is so new.
I don’t know where I’m going with this. But I realised just how little people I actually knew in high school, especially when we’re all taught to be conservative and whatnot. There are so many more people out there. It’s an absolutely terrifying, anxious, scary, sometimes traumatising transition but when that’s done and I’ve had time to reflect I realise just how fortunate I am to be meeting so many people every day and overall it’s such a humbling experience. Everything back in high school seems so insignificant now. That 2 year relationship that I naively thought would last through to uni? Or that 2 week fling which ended with my heart being trampled on and plunging me into a month of absolute heartache and self-loathing? The argument and squabble I had with a clique that turned into this massive (utterly petty) fight? I know that back then everything seemed to be so important and I felt like the world was ending whenever something bad happened, but if I knew that I’d be experiencing everything I am in uni right now and seeing the world and meeting the vast number of people in it I feel like I would’ve been a lot more laid back about everything. It really puts everything into perspective.
This is probably all convoluted but I just needed to get this down. I know I’m supposed to be an English major and hence more eloquent and concise with the way I express my feelings but screw that that^ is exactly how it is in my head. It’s a huge mess of new experiences and emotions but god…I’m having the absolute time of my life.