dating? (blogmas day 5) ~ Victoria

I’m late i’m late i’m late I think this will be the general theme of blogmas tbh (sorry val) We’re trying our best!! It’s actually quite difficult so.

Dating etiquette. Clearly I’ve been hinting at potentially being interested in someone here and all that in the past few posts so I’m going to just recap a few things that I’ve learnt.

Hookups are supposed to be a one night and never see each other again thing. Anything more just complicates things and it gets really messy. I don’t know what the sense of ‘hookup’ is to different people but I’m a no-sex-before-marriage person so to me it’s making out (i.e. in clubs). To others it could be all the way. I don’t know. Point is, if it happens, the best thing is to leave it at that, don’t contact each other again, don’t even add that person on Facebook. They’re fun in the moment but I generally feel like you shouldn’t get with someone that you already know; it really can complicate things.

Hypothetically speaking, when you hook up with a guy, and he asks you on a date afterwards, you can never know what that means unless you’re 100% candid and brutally honest with each other (which is bloody rare because guys and girls are confusing and no one is ever brave enough to be direct, full disclosure and all). Maybe he thinks you ‘deserve’ a date, maybe he likes you, maybe he just wants to fulfil that ‘nice guy’ image and not be the type that only goes for sex, maybe he’s going on a date so he can string you along for sex, maybe he actually sees something more with you. All are possibilities.

The problem is the date. So, apparently, you’re not supposed to kiss/hug/hold hands on a date that is supposed to be casual (or so that’s the impression I’ve gotten). Even on the date you can’t assume that he likes you. Like I said, he could be doing it out of courtesy. The date happens, it’s cool, it’s going well. Then the dangerous part comes when you realise you might actually like him enough to want to keep hanging out with him and getting to know him. But because we’re cautious uni people who don’t want to rush into things and most people don’t like tying themselves down so early into their uni career, a ‘second date’ is quite possibly the worst idea. It is terrifying knowing that you’re steering into the direction of a more serious ‘thing’; when you go on more dates, the risk of either you getting hurt or you hurting the other person gets higher. No one in their right mind would be willing to take on so much and it is scary.

At the moment you’re kinda stuck in a limbo: you don’t know whether it’s socially acceptable to just confront the guy and text him, you’re afraid you’d come off too eager or clingy, but at the same time the uncertainty is killing you, and you wonder why people can’t just make clear from the beginning where the other person stands with you. The snap streak is still going strong, there might be a bit of flirting, but fact is you’re not the only girl in his mind. Honestly, any guy whom you could easily hook up with (most likely) isn’t someone who is capable of feeling so much for a single person (vice versa too). While you might be agonising over what to do, what he thinks, whether you should care, whether you should ask, he probably doesn’t. The guy that’s been on your mind for quite a while now is probably sucking the face off some drunk girl in yet another club.

So it does really suck because you’ve started to develop feelings and it’s scary and you don’t want to get hurt yet you kind of want more and yet you also don’t. So much anxiety, so much uncertainty. The wisest thing to do is forget, don’t ever contact him again, stop thinking about it no matter how good it was while it lasted. There are more guys, and obviously, those that are meant to be will eventually happen.

Dating is really weird, especially in Uni. Everyone just wants to hook up and have sex. Everyone is always lusting and horny and whatever. When you do find yourself feeling more than just one-off passion/lust then you can easily get hurt. Alas, this is life and life is difficult. Guys are confusing, girls are confusing – no one is brave enough to throw away their pride and break social norms, no one is brave enough to risk their heart, no one is brave enough to confront and say exactly how they feel. Everyone prides themselves on being mysterious and reserved, no one wants to give too much away. We are confined by this ‘dating etiquette’ or the unwritten rules of ‘hookup culture’ and deviating would mean being clingy, being too much of a girl and feeling too many emotions.

Now that I think about it though, when you do meet that person who doesn’t think you’re clingy when you outright state how you feel and exactly what you want, then you know that that’s a keeper. Hm. Why not risk it why not just be bold and direct? Break the norms, forget etiquette… go boldly (or boldly go, if you care about the split infinitive) and take what you want and live life without regrets because YOLO….?

God this is tough.

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