I feel so fucking conflicted… AGAIN. Currently on the plane back to New York and I’m sad but happy about leaving Hong Kong, just like how I felt leaving Yale.
The first day I got back to Hong Kong was weird. I remember getting off the plane, walking through the terminal to get on the airport bus back to Discovery Bay, looking out the window watching the familiar landscapes roll by, and then actually arriving in DB and walking into my home. A routine that I was incredibly used to, but I kept thinking about how weird and exciting it was that I was actually in HONG KONG—I’d been yearning to be back for such a long time. Mia was super excited to see me at first but then started ignoring me and didn’t warm up to me until about a day later. My room hadn’t changed, apart from the ‘EVELYN IS AWESOME’ sign. I can’t even tell you how odd it was to be back in my old home of 18 years. It was like nothing had changed but so much about ME changed and I had two homes now and I didn’t know how to reconcile the two.
The second day back I went out to meet Vic, and taking the ferry and finally seeing the city made me so happy (I took SO many photos when the ferry passed Central and felt like such a fucking tourist). And then I walked through IFC and almost felt like crying because of how familiar it was. But it still felt weird because Hong Kong was exactly the same but I was different and I felt like a stranger in my own city. Reuniting with Vic was great though—we exchanged university hoodies and got bubble tea and then walked to Victoria (hehe) park and sat and talked for a bit. It was just like old times: we were two obnoxious idiots like always and I’m so glad the us dynamic hadn’t changed at all.
Vic and I also visited school and I felt a little like… this isn’t my home anymore this isn’t like how it used to be. The DP2s were in the lounge and it wasn’t our Saboteur-obsessed asses in there messing around. We ended up sitting outside the staff room and talking to teachers who walked by, which was pretty nice. We also caught up with Ms Tai in that classroom of hers and talked to her for ages.
The weirdness of being in Hong Kong lasted for a while but eventually I settled back into the routine of waking up (extremely early), talking to my boyfriend and friends at Yale, and then taking the ferry to Hong Kong side to meet up with people. I missed Yale and I had a lot of difficulty juggling the feeling of wanting to be back at school, but knowing that once I got back I would miss Hong Kong and everyone I left behind.
That last week I started to feel pretty sad about leaving. Going home and being home made me feel like a child again. I also knew that I was going to miss walking around Hong Kong and seeing all the familiar buildings, and taking the ferry and going through IFC and taking the MTR to Causeway Bay to meet Vic… that routine made me feel like yes I had another life at Yale, but that I could always come back to Hong Kong and settle into my old routine and have everything stay more-or-less the same. I guess one good thing is that I got a lot closer to my family, especially my brother and sister—when you’re away from loved ones for a long time and you get back together it’s quality time and not merely existing in the same space like I did with them forever.
anyway yeah just a bunch of my thoughts about being back in Hong Kong over winter break and how conflicted i felt. i wonder what summer will be like