the end of epiphany ~ Victoria

It’s so bizarre to think that the second term of first year is over, and the next time I’m back in Durham it’ll be the last term. I can go on about how it feels like time has passed so fast but honestly in the moment it really didn’t feel that fast. Once again I had 6 formatives to write, and on top of that this term I had a summative for my linguistics module (which was 2500 words) and I landed myself the assistant producer role in my college’s play. Not the best decision, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Let me just do a brief recap (even though I left my planner in Durham and now I have no way of looking back on it aside from memory I hate myself):

The start of term was kind of messy – the Hatfield guy turned out to be a huge jerk, going out stopped being fun simply because I was so traumatised. But I did spend a lot of time just hanging out in either Rachel’s or Celeste’s room and that was quite fun even though all we did was talk shit and gossip and be weird. Sometime in that there was also that CNY celebration thing and I feel like I’ve already talked about this in an earlier post but it was so nice just to be able to celebrate CNY with a bunch of people I love so much. It felt like home away from home.

And then right after that I got extremely sick, skipped all my lectures and tutorials for a week because I physically could not get out of bed or even speak because my throat hurt so much. Managed to get an appointment the Friday of that week and discovered I had bacterial tonsillitis, was prescribed 80 antibiotics pills over the course of 10 days (it’s a lot, I know). I swear a huge chunk of this term was just me trying to get back on my feet and be a normal functioning human being after that week of being half-dead. So a few weeks of that were a blur.

The last 6 weeks of term was just me trying to juggle play stuff and essays. I wrote 5/6 of my essays the night before and barely put in any effort into them. Play stuff was a lot of planning rehearsals, going to rehearsals every single day (some lasting from 3pm-11pm), never having the proper time to actually write essays (but still enjoying every single moment of these rehearsals because they were absolutely hilarious and entertaining). I remember one night rehearsals had gone later than expected so I ended up leaving at 11pm, went straight to the library with my books and everything, and stayed there until 3am (when I finished my essay). I’ve seriously mastered the skill of churning out 2000 words in 5 hours and scraping that 2:1 so yeeet. But yes a lot of my nights went like that, and because the times of the rehearsals and meal times clash, I end up skipping both lunch and dinner and then resorting to instant noodles or a packet of digestives to last me through the night. Needless to say I was stressssssed. It was a 3 person production team so things like ticketing, marketing, posters, props, lighting, costume design, set design were up to the 2 producers and it was sO MUCH WORK.

Show day was last Monday and Tuesday and it was the most rewarding thing I’ve ever experienced. To have an 80+ person turn out and such a good reception to the comedy with everyone laughing at the right bits made me so happy. Rachel and I prepared roses for our director and cards for every single one of them, and the cast wrote us mini cards too with little notes on them. Ahhh I miss it so much honestly, but it’s good that it ended because I would’ve died.

I think this term (cue cheesy reflection tone) I’ve really pushed myself out there and made friends not immediately from the same accommodation site as I was in. Like it was always such a daunting prospect but making that first move to sit with a bunch of people that seemed fun despite me never having said hi to them was quite possibly the best impulse decision ever. I got to know acquaintances a lot better, climbing makes me a lot less self conscious now because I’ve gotten closer to everyone (and also cheeky brag but I’ve gotten better at it ha ha). I’m just p proud of myself for having made these vastly different groups of friends but still having that close few people (ahem celeste and rachel ahem) that I can confide in whenver I need to. I didn’t know it was possible to love Durham more but amongst the hilarious professors, intense lectures and tutorials and beautiful scenery, more than anything it’s the people that I get to share this experience with that I’m so so SO grateful for.

Also let me do this okay pls because this blog is supposed to be a record of my feelings and uni experience anyways: I have the biggest, almost high-school like crush on this guy. And I just want to say to ANY guy reading this: there’s no need to put on a suave, smooth front. Being vulnerable and honest is hot. Saying exactly what you mean and not avoiding any sensitive topics is hot. And for girls (or the ones on the other front) there’s no need to try to sweet talk or only reply like 5 hours later just because you don’t want to sound clingy.If you do that then you’d be attracting the type of guy who’d do that to you too. Be unapologetically you. Be so brutally honest and unafraid and vulnerable and there will be a guy who can take it and better yet rival you in your brutal honesty. Don’t let your relationships be characterised with passive aggressiveness. There is literally no need. I think the cheesy cliche bottom line is be yourself and you’ll attract the right person. ^_^

((I’m in absolute bliss. Epiphany term has ended so well.))



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