another 4 am post about my stupid feelings ~ Valerie

i can’t believe i’m saying this but i love him. i haven’t told him yet because for the first time in my life, i wanted to be absolutely completely irrevocably sure of my feelings before i said the three words. now i’m finally realizing that i am completely in love with him and it feels like someone has reached into my chest and twisted it and i can’t breathe and i can’t stop tearing up because my heart is flooded. but it’s not just a tangible physical feeling; it’s realizing that all you want is for the other person to be happy even if it comes at the expense of your own happiness.

maybe this is fucked up but the realization hit me when i watched as he threw up into a trash can and thought to myself, ‘he’s still so beautiful’. i am deathly afraid of vomit and i guess this sounds trivial but i cleaned it up and it was all over me and i barely cared because i would honestly do anything for this man. i think what i’m trying to say is that i used to question whether my feelings were love or infatuation, and i would scour magazines and dating advice sites trying to get an answer—“you just know”, they all said, and i finally understand what that means. i used to wonder what love felt like and i’ve never known it until now.

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